The Letter That Sunk Recruiter Commissions?

Accounting of Stubs and Employments

Singapore MOE

October 30, 2005

To whom it may concern,

Requested particulars of pay stubs and letters of proof of employment, at this late date, as of a crate of fresh oysters or the like, would be akin to giving you the numbers on my accounts as if you were a phishing unregistered lottery to be paid for on my winnings. One does not eat without tasting as if some hammour fish of the deeps. You are coming up with barnacles already and I do not encourage you to attempt to lance. So far your hooks are uninspiring and Smok Fin does not do Ahab well enough.

As I have seen no signed or sealed letters courtesy of the MOE, you are requested to take me to your leader, who I am sure has no intention of giving the impression of first placing MOE hands in my, as of yet, un-signed and un-sealed non-MOE employment pockets before ascertaining the suitable weights of gold with which my hardy mules would be most equitably balanced. Considering the flexiblized state of your employment intentions, namely, to range me as an English literatural honcho, ESL remedier, and general carreria da Canada I believe I set sights upon those weights and measures. But again it seems you wish to cast me as some sort of Pancho Villa.

It is as if you would wish me to believe that your powers were permitted to weigh my Swiss dobroes even though all the once fingered assayers have already finished such a job. It is as intended, my feeling on this matter is that you would wish me to imagine that I should be catalogued and listed among the bandierantes or bandits. But even there, my nearest affiliate would be a four hundred years dead Welsh-Irish roving pikeman who took the heads of British landholders home to the Counties of Costello. I am not that Costello. But I am "Cost-A-Lotto". Without such a designation I will set you with the Italians and Spanish.

This mere stub is submitted as an example of my skill in contract negotiation and a willful snub to any bureaucrat who would dare overly-question an artist in the jesting and jousting of his first noble art. My eyes and ears are constantly acquiring new information and my mind is as agile as an inspiring Turkish court acrobat or a Persian leopard. I seek justice in the Art of Contract and the arrival of a carafe holding civil-servant, a peacock feathered attendant who dutifully lays out as sumptuous a banquet as could be rustled for a former favoured camel boy now successfully running for a caliphate in mountains of exiled Confucian bones. Under my beak I would like an array of dishes of ducks, geese, and fowl with which to pepper a savory salary setting event.

Upon which you may attach longish tethers of the strongest raw-hides and twined leathers. Then the hood which currently covers my sharpish eyes over these events may be removed and reveal a deft plucking and pecking away over the bindings of your assessments of my talents in this field. If you do not find such mastery exceedingly appealing, thus may you insist upon the release of my penultimate claws over the nature of your repeated requirements. Then will I trouble your MOE no further. If it be as some prairie chicken then it shall run away and I shall have my dinner. Or as master, a MOE who pays, then here a kind sir shall have his (new) dear leader. Then shall I launch a sworded fish upon your boat.

I would not intentionally bewilder any MOE salary negotiator. This phalanx has struck but once simply never to strike again over such a rank carrion as the issue of salary. My bell must be rung with brute force as I am as deaf to the din of ravaging Pavlovians, charlatans, monkeys, and thieves as you must be to test me with such a request at such a date. Please bring forth the carracks and galetas. What glitters in this case is heart's gold. Please press me on which provisios of contract would be most appealing. For me to tailor silk sails I must be personably provisioned.

A descendant of rank but fair barbarians, Daniel Costello