This Tune

This Tune

I’ve got to tune my ear for you.
I’m listening but I don’t know what I’m hearing.
It’ll take more than one listen and more than one play,
to get me to sing and dance that way.

Never nihilist enough to be you
Never lonely enough to be you
Never lovely enough to be you

Lover I had your love but long didn’t believe it,
so easily given to me.
So when you left me at the bottom of your blue hole
it took me awhile to realize I was an empty tank without you.

Not nihilist enough to be you
Not lonely enough to be you
Not lovely enough to be you

It’s been my long last breath which took all my efforts since to change,
the way you said I never would.
You followed me through my solid black heart of regret
to where I sing this tune.
It’s too late I know for us but not for some other fool.

Not nihilist enough to be he
Not lonely enough to be he
Not lovely enough to be he

Who gives you his trust the way you deserve it.

Now I’m an old man, living in the forest.
It’s where I wanted to be and this is what I wanted for us
without asking you first.
Here I still feel the city in the core of my bones.
There I like to hear the rhythm of more than one player playing this tune,
where I like to hear more than one singer singing this tune.

Not nihilist enough to be me
Not lonely enough to be me
Not lovely enough to be me

I don’t care if you grew roots as deep as an oak tree.
I don’t care if you grew apart and tumbled like a weed.
This is the last mark I want to make on you and it’s a blessing,
long growing silent and listening to her voice.
It’s this tune, it’s not me, it’s just, free, and forgiven.

Not nihilist enough to be me
Not lonely enough to be me
Not lovely enough to be me